Nordic Bakery

Finns. They just don't get it, do they? Surely, everyone knows you can't open a café in the heart of the West End, and give everyone lots of air and space around the tables. This isn't Helsinki, you know. And then they put in a big plate glass window, so that the people inside can enjoy the view of the lovely trees in the square, rather than worrying about making the frontage as attractive as possible to potential customers outside. Where's the marketing focus there? And, when you do go in, not even any Muzak to brighten up that understated décor.

And then there's the service. Who ever heard of a central London café/take-away where they actually say: 'I'll bring your coffee over in a moment'? And where they just note down what you've had, in the expectation that you'll actually tell them when you go, so you can pay on your way out. Did they do their research by watching too many Ealing Comedies? I mean, this is the 21st century, right?

And the presentation. Haven't they heard of pre-preparation and plastic packaging? OK it's quite quaint having everything just made. But there's not much of a range. Who's going to care if the salmon tartare (served on rye bread) is as good as you'll get in many posh gaffs for three times the price? Isn't it choice we all want? And an enormous, tasty cinnamon bun priced at just £1.50? Pur-lease. Who on earth ran the numbers on that?

Who wants Karelian pies anyway? I mean, if people wanted things like that, surely Pret would have introduced them years ago'