Yoshi Sushi
Toby Young, The Independent on Sunday (Rating: 17/20)
Since returning from New York ten years ago, the critic has been searching for the “perfect Japanese”, and has finally found it in this Hammersmith sushi restaurant. “This is freshly prepared, well-balanced food made by an experienced chef” that's “always good” - they're also, apparently, “one of the very few restaurants in London to serve Diet Coke properly”. In sum, this is a restaurant that's “[n]ot fancy, not trendy; but a perfectly prepared selection of fresh fish every day. They deliver, too”.
L'Art du Fromage
“I regard the fondue as the very apex of man's achievement in the pursuit of deliciousness” – the critic embarks on his visit to this Chelsea cheese-based restaurant with high expectations. He is, however, ultimately disappointed. It may be a “rather sweet little place” run by “charming, earnest French boys you would want to hug”, but the much aniticipated fondue proves “dismal” and “underseasoned”, with the rest of the menu faring little better. Special mention is reserved for the Roquefort ice-cream – “the stuff of blood-soaked nightmares”.
Galvin La Chapelle
AA Gill, The Sunday Times (Rating: Food 3/5 stars, Ambience 2/5 stars)
The critic visits the Galvin brothers' latest restaurant in Shoreditch: “[t]his place knows its clientele and knows why they’re here. It sets out to impress, flatter and indulge, which are not motives known to inspire the most hospitable, happy food. But it struggles to make the best of it”. Tarte tatin proves to be the best thing on a “Franglish” menu, on which the other dishes range from “insipid” and “bland” to “competent” at best. All in all, dishes seem to have been prepared with “rather too many fawning personal assistants”, somewhat akin to the service which “is a bit like being frisked by lonely moles”.
Apsleys
Giles Coren, The Times (Rating: Cooking 2/10)
The critic sets out “determined to hate” this Heinz Beck restaurant in the swanky Lanesborough Hotel, thanks to the exorbitant cost of the Mother's day set lunch (£90 a head) and ultimately succeeds. Despite enjoying the “stuttering grandeur” of the dining room, he concludes that the chef “really, really can't cook”. After “bitter and rank” artichoke soup, the Beck signature main course proves to be “a chewy pigeon lazily hacked into four and catastrophically blackened like a bad mistake”. “I started to think Beck must be a great chef after all, because you would need a serious mastery of the elements of cooking to create something this nasty”. (Although the critic doesn't make the point, this is a place that’s just been been awarded a Michelin star.)
36 on the Quay, Emsworth
John Walsh, The Independent (Rating: Food 2/5 stars, Ambience 4/5 stars, Service 4/5 stars)
A review of a “small, low-ceilinged, crowded and cosy” restaurant on the Hampshire coast. The “small but intriguing” menu suggests “a chef of phenomenal gifts but a perverse sense of scale” - indeed starters and main courses are not only “enormous” but reveal “a chef who didn't trust his own judgement about when to stop piling flavours on”. (Yes, naturally, this is a place long loved by Michelin.) After such an “assault on the tastebuds”, it was a shame that “delightful” desserts were served in “Lilliputian” portions.
Paris House, Woburn
The critic is impressed by his visit to a Bedfordshire newcomer, set in a “mock Tudor cottage” and run by Alan Murchison of Ludlow's La Bécasse (of which he is also a professed fan). Despite a few minor faults, and a waiter who exudes a “Gaullist superiority”, the “sophisticated” reinventions of English cuisine largely impress - special mention for “sublime venison” and “fantastic” smoked ham hock terrine.
Bibis Italianissimo, Leeds
“Regardless of its owner's origins and a menu featuring dishes from his homeland, Bibis really ought to expand its name to Italianissimo My Arse”. Microwaved starters, “tasteless, overcooked and chewy” veal, and spaghetti that was “limp as if it had been hanging around waiting for a kettle to revive it”, all combine to make this “colossal” Leeds Italian a resounding failure - a “cheap and cheerless temple to crazed vulgarity”.
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