Supperclub
Tracey MacLeod, The Independent (Rating: Food 3/5 stars, Ambience 2/5 stars, Service 4/5 stars)
The critic brings us news of the new North Kensington offshoot of a place in Amsterdam, which is known as a “fabulous, indulgent nightspot…, where guests recline on beds like pashas, nibbling on divine sweetmeats while beautiful young people entertain them with exotic performance art and cutting-edge cabaret”.
She finds “an authentically fabulous all-white room on two levels ringed with raised bedding platforms covered in white mattresses and cushions”, and she reclines to listen to a “prominently-positioned DJ [who] plays a digestion-friendly mix of music, from Zero 7 to Joni Mitchell, at louder than comfortable levels”. The temperature, though, was like a “fridge”.
The food turns out to be “unexpectedly good, if not exactly indulgent”. Ultimately, however, the establishment’s “entirely manufactured attempt to create spontaneous fun” – with various wacky entertainments – simply fails to excite.
Mennula
Giles Coren, The Times (Rating: 7/10)
This new Fitzrovia Italian that’s been mainly positively reviewed elsewhere, and the food is found “mostly very good”, if with the occasional off-note. Plenty of “real Italian hospitality” too.
Zoe Williams, The Telegraph (Rating: 8/10)
The interior design at this on-the-cheap Italian newcomer in Fitzrovia may not be impressive, but “even at the bread course I realised it was all worth it”. Despite the odd mishap, the meal generally proclaims “gastro sure-footedness”.
Bumpkin
Might this be “Dante's missing tenth circle of hell”? The critic visits the Notting Hill outpost of the English bistro mini-chain, and finds it “melds irksome bucolic sloppiness with rigorous West End prices”.
The Hind's Head, Bray, Berkshire
This is Heston Blumenthal’s pub, which “through ancient rite and usage, likes to refer to itself as a hostelry. Above its hutch-like door, there is a polished-brass sign reading ‘duck or grouse’, [a]nd there you have a succinct speck of ancient ribaldry that speaks reams, nay volumes, about what to expect inside”.
The critic had been wanting to visit “for a long time”, as this is “the pub that Heston bought to set up as an ideal local”. He is, however, far from convinced”. The initial dish is “undercooked”, and a prawn and crab cocktail turns out to be “entirely bereft of crab” (and the prawns “tasted of nothing at all”). Even the famous triple-cooked chips “smelt of tired fat”.
“All the savoury dishes had imprecise and clumsy flavours”, and the overall impression was of a “dirty, smudged lunch”. “If you’re Heston Blumenthal, the most thoughtful, generous and exacting of chefs, [this sort of meal] really, really isn’t all right.”
Lime Wood, Lyndhurst, Hampshire
Lisa Markwell, The Independent on Sunday (Rating: 12/20)
This new boutique hotel in rural Hampshire may have “looked great on paper”, but the reality of this “latest in a line of country hotels for city slickers” fails to excite the critic. Her meal is not inexpensive, and she endures “a catalogue of errors”. “Lime Wood has bags of potential – it just needs to live up to it.”
Sharrow Bay, Ullswater, Cumbria
Jasper Gerard, The Telegraph (Rating: 2.5/5)
“I'm going to be rude about this restaurant”, the critic tells us, encouragingly. The problem with this famous Lakeland hotel, now part of the Von Essen group, “is the decor, and the ambience it creates”.
“If Hyacinth Bucket was an interior designer, this would be her show home. … Which is criminal. This could be a great restaurant. One table in particular commands views finer than any in England.” The food may be “pretty decent”, but “oh, the atmosphere. I've attended livelier funerals.”
Made By Bob, Cirencester
As the name suggests, this is a “straight-up place serving straight-up food”, but the “kitchen has all the bases covered”.
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